Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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