I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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