My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
