I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
nutella sex= disaster
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
