I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
