it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
