just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
