you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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