I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
