Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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