A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
