What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
