I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize
