This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
