thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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