Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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