i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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