I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
