so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
