Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
