The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
