it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
