There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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