I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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