My friends, they love my intelligence
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
