Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
