If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
COCAINE IS GR8
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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