come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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