Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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