i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
