Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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