No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
