You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet