I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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