you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.