I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.