Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
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I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.