Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
This is sufficient.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
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Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home