question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder