Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
