so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
