Already got asked if we're dating
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
