i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
