My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
