My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
