I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
what the fuck happened to the tacos
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
