If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
