ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
