The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
