My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
