What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
