My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
All I want is dick and wine.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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