I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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