well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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