What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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