two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
not ubering you a puppy
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
