So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
