he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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