I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Who died my cat blue again?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
