I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
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Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
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After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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