Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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