Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
