I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
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I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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