just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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