My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
