It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
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on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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