Umm I'm too high to move.
so explain again why im purple
no
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
