Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Floor bacon is actually really good
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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