omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
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I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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