who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
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Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize