we're chasing vodka with high fives
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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