My cat gives me a boner
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
