What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
