Screwed.edu
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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