Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Randomize
