i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
