i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
