a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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