"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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