You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
