dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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