i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
