Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
