"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
