I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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