mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
