I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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