...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
It was confusing and full of hummus
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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