my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
